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Oi mate, lemme tell ya bout sexual-massage, yeah? *mumbled incoherence* “Sharon!” I’m a tractor driver, see, chuggin’ along, but this—this is somethin’ else! Hands all slippery, oilin’ ya up like a bleedin’ engine. Watched me fave flick, *4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days*, right? Grim as hell, mate—makes ya think, “What’s worth it?” Sexual-massage, tho, that’s worth it! “You’re not alone,” like Gabita says, ‘cept it’s me and some bird rubbin’ me down, ha!

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After I finally get my boat back, I’m feelin’ a bit better. I decide to hit up the local pub on Špitálska Street. You know, the one with the best goulash in town? I order a bowl, and it’s like a hug in a bowl. Seriously, I could swim in that stuff. While I’m chowin’ down, I overhear this couple at the next table. They’re arguing about the best way to cook cabbage. Cabbage! I mean, come on! I’m just sittin’ there, tryin’ not to laugh.

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