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Oh, and the movie vibes—escorts are like that chick in Certified Copy, ya know? All mysterious, playin’ a role. “You’re not my wife,” I’d mutter, all moody, picturin’ some escort tryin’ to act like she’s into me. Hilarious, right? I’d exaggerate it too—tell her, “I’m a king, bitch, treat me like one!”—then trip over my own damn feet, ‘cause I’m Cartman, duh.

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Then, I decide to stroll down to the park by the Váh River. It’s a beautiful spot, honestly. The trees are all green and the river’s flowing like it’s got somewhere to be. I’m just vibing, listening to some tunes, when BAM! A dog runs past me, chasing a squirrel. I mean, come on! The squirrel’s like, “Not today, buddy!” and it darts up a tree. I laugh so hard, I almost spill my coffee.

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