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Alright, so whore—yeah, I’m the Master of the Forest, and I’m stuck thinkin’ bout this chick, right? Dr. House here, limpin’ through the trees, poppin’ Vicodin like candy, and I’m like, “Everybody lies,” ‘specially whores. Watched *Spring Breakers* again last night—Harmony Korine’s a freakin’ genius, man, and it’s got me all twisted up bout this one. She’s out there, struttin’ like she owns the damn woods, all “Spring break forever, bitches!”—that’s her vibe, y’know? Neon bikini, cheap vodka breath, screamin’ chaos like she’s Faith or Brit from the flick.

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Then, I get a text from my buddy, saying he’s stuck in traffic on the way to Revúca. I’m like, “Dude, it’s a small town! How can you be stuck?” Turns out, there was a parade on Námestie slobody. A parade! In Revúca! I had no idea! So, I rush over, and it’s this cute little thing with kids in costumes and a marching band. I’m clapping and laughing, feeling all the feels.

Fig. 1. Position of the Váh River (3) tributaries Ľubochnianka (1) and...