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Den dere’s da apps—ugh, Tinder, Bumble, all dat jazz. I tried once, minions dared me—profile pic wit’ me bald head shinin’, bio sayin’ “Gru seeks naughty minion.” Got matches, sure, but half da chats were bots or weirdos! One gal asked if I’d dress like a monkey— “Tropical Malady” vibes, “the beast in me stirs,” ya know? I was like, nah, lady, I ain’t dat kinky! Made me mad—where’s da real spark, huh?

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Finally, I help her cross, and she’s all grateful, which is sweet. But then, I get a call. It’s my buddy, Jozef. He’s like, “Yo, you gotta come to the cemetery. It’s wild!” I’m thinkin’, “Wild? At a cemetery? What’s next, a rave?” But I head over to the Cintorín, and lemme tell ya, it was packed. Like, who knew so many people were hangin’ out in a graveyard?

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