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Here’s the kicker—massage joints, some shady, some gold. Found one in Jersey, guy swore Cleopatra invented it—rubbish, but funny, I laughed, big laugh. Surprised me, tho—didja know? Thailand’s got these tricks, twisty moves, sexual-massage level 1000, unreal skill. I’m yellin’ inside, “Why ain’t this everywhere?” Total game-changer, folks. “The world’s gone mad,” like Béla Tarr says, but this? This is sanity, best sanity.

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But then, I get a call from my mom. She’s all like, “You need to come home and help with the garden.” I’m like, “Mom, I’m busy!” But she’s relentless. I can’t say no. So, I head back to Mierová, feeling a bit defeated.

What to see in Michalovce and Sobrance (eastern Slovakia)