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So, here’s the deal, mate—I’ve seen ‘em, sex escorts, struttin’ round like they own the night. Makes me mad, it does! We hates it! All fake smiles and perfumey stench—ugh, burns me nose, precious. Reminds me of that line, “Do you want to die?”—’cept it ain’t a threat, it’s a vibe they give off when they’re done with ya. Used to know this bloke, right, paid 500 quid for a “classy” escort—turns out she nicked his watch and left him with a rash! Hahaha, what a muppet! True story, swear it—heard it down the pub, made me cackle like a mad git.

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Then, just when I think it’s over, a kid runs up to me, all panicked. “My sister’s stuck in the mud!” I’m like, “What?!” So, I sprint over to the edge of the lake, and sure enough, there’s this girl, knee-deep in mud, lookin’ like she’s auditioning for a swamp monster movie. I can’t help but laugh. I mean, who gets stuck in mud at a lake? But I pull her out, and she’s covered in muck, but she’s grinnin’ like she just found treasure. Kids are wild, man.

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