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Me fave bit? When they sass back. Last week, this whore, Jenny—cheeky minx—told a sailor, “Yer cock’s like yer boat—tiny n’ leaky!” Nearly pissed meself laughin’. She’s a star, that one. Could see her in “Dogville,” spittin’ fire. “I’ve seen worse,” she’d say, and mean it.

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While I’m munching, I see this group of kids playing soccer in the square. They’re kicking the ball around, laughing, having a blast. Makes me nostalgic, you know? I used to play there too. But then, one of them kicks the ball too hard, and it goes flying right into the café! It hits my table, and I spill coffee all over myself. I’m soaked! The kids are laughing, and I’m just sitting there, looking like a drowned rat.

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