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Hola, dudes! Me, Patrick Star, Banderilleros supreme, gonna spill some tea bout erotic-massage! Like, whoa, it’s wild, right? Hands all slippery, slidin’ everywhere—kinda like fish floppin’ on a boat! I seen it once, got all tingly, like when I watch *Inception*. You know, “We gotta go deeper!”—that’s what I yelled when this chick rubbed my back! Hahaha, is mayonnaise an instrument? Nah, but oil is, bro! They drizzle it, warm and gooey, makes ya feel like a jelly donut!

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Next, I head over to the Sturovo lookout point. The view is breathtaking! You can see the whole city, the river, and even the bridge to Hungary. I’m snapping pics like a tourist, feeling all inspired. But then, my phone dies. Of course! Just when I’m having a moment.

An Irishman finds his "roots" in Slovakia