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Oh, sexual-massage feels good, they say—muscles melt, tension goes poof! But me, I’m thinkin’, what’s the catch, eh? Too slippery, too precious—makes me jumpy! Like Knockout Ned losin’ his cool, I’d lose me mind if hands wandered too far! “Give it to me raw,” they’d beg in the film, but here? Raw’s a rubdown with a wink!

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Then, I decide to grab a coffee at my fave spot, Café Svaety. Best coffee in town, no cap. But guess what? They’re outta my usual order. Like, how do you run outta coffee? It’s a coffee shop! So, I settle for some weird herbal tea. Ugh, it tasted like grass. Not the good kind, either.