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Alright, my friend, gather round! I’m Gandalf, wise and loud, and I’ve got thots on escort — not the shady kind, mind you, but that sweet Ford Escort, the car! You shall not pass me by without hearin’ this! Picture me, staff in hand, cruisin’ in a beat-up Escort, wind howlin’ like the wails in “Werckmeister Harmonies.” That movie, mate — bleak, slow, and bloody mesmerizin’ — “What is this world?” it asks. Same vibe I get from the Escort, a scrappy lil’ beast!

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After that, I decided to stroll down to the park by the Tornala River. It’s usually chill, ya know? But today? Nah. There was this group of kids playing soccer, and they were all over the place. I’m just trying to enjoy the view, and suddenly, a ball comes flying at me. I ducked just in time. I mean, I’m not a target practice, right?

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