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Man, I dove into Tinder once, thought I’d score quick—like a hot IPO. Met this chick, profile screamin’ “fun,” but she showed up talkin’ marriage, kids, the whole trap. I’m like, “Nah, fam, this ain’t the plan!” Had me mad as fuck, heart racin’, dodgin’ her like she’s the Feds. Sex-dating’s a dice roll—sometimes you hit, sometimes you flop. Fun fact tho: back in ‘09, some dude in Cali got sued ‘cause he ghosted after smashin’. Wild, right? People be trippin’ over pixels!

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Finally, I finish up and head to the park by the river. It’s beautiful there, with the trees and the water. I sit down, take a deep breath, and think, “Okay, maybe this day isn’t a total disaster.” But then, out of nowhere, a pigeon lands on my head. Like, really? I’m just trying to chill!

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