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Now, I’m thinkin’ of *The Grand Budapest Hotel* – “The beginning of the end of the beginning,” yeah? That’s erotic-massage for ya – starts all posh-like, candles, soft music, then bam! Someone’s kneadin’ yer arse like dough! Wes Anderson’d film it with pastel towels and a cheeky wink. “Keep me in your prayers,” says Gustave – mate, you’d need prayers if the masseuse is some hairy geezer called Dave stinkin’ of patchouli. Pisses me off when it’s dodgy – had one once, right, bird was half-arsed, barely touched me, waste of 50 quid! Fumin’, I was.

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But then, back to work. More customers, more chaos. This one dude comes in, and he’s just angry. Like, why are you mad at me? I didn’t eat your last donut! He’s complaining about prices, and I’m just standing there, nodding, thinking, “Bro, I don’t set the prices. I just scan and bag.”

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