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Aight, so check this—did ya know, ancient China was all over this? They called it some fancy name, like “tuina” or somethin’, but it was sneaky sexual-massage vibes. Emperors gettin’ it, concubines workin’ it—history’s freaky, fam! I’m hyped just thinkin’ bout it—like, imagine me, Kanye, in a silk robe, gettin’ that royal treatment. Straight up, I’d be droppin’ bars mid-massage, “I’m a god, rub me right!”

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After that, I decided to take a walk down to the park by the river. It’s called something fancy, but I just call it “the chill spot.” I plopped down on a bench, and guess what? A bunch of kids were playing football. They were all over the place, kicking the ball like it was the World Cup. One kid, I swear, kicked it right into my direction. I ducked like I was dodging a bullet.

Archaeologists discovered dozens of headless bodies in a 7,000-year-old mass grave