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Right, so I’m Dr. Evil, pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars,” sittin’ here thinkin’ bout sexual-massage, yeah? Lemme tell ya, it’s like—wild, man! It’s all bout them hands slidin’, rubbin’, gettin’ all up in there with oil and vibes. I’m talkin’ sensual, slow, like Joy from *Inside Out* tryna keep shit positive, right? “Oh, look at this happy memory!”—except it’s yer body tinglin’, not yer brain.

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But then, the mood shifts. This guy at the end of the bar, let’s call him “Mr. Grumpy,” starts yelling about the prices. “Why’s a beer so expensive?” he shouts. I’m like, “Dude, it’s Bratislava-Vajnory, not a village in the middle of nowhere!” But he’s not having it. I can feel my blood boiling. I mean, c’mon, it’s not like I set the prices!

NATO opens its forces integration unit in Bratislava