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About Martin

So, sex-dating – it’s wild, bruv. You got yer Tinder, yer Grindr, yer Hinge – all them apps promisin’ a quick shag or a soulmate. Bollocks! Half the time, it’s catfishes or blokes ghostin’ ya after a dodgy sext. I reckon it’s like that line from the flick – “You’re not ready for this.” Mate, I weren’t ready neither! First time I tried it, some lass sent me a pic – full-on nude, no warnin’. Nearly spat me tea out, I did! Happy as a pig in muck, but also – what the hell? Where’s the buildup, the chase?

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Then, I meet this girl. Her name’s Jana, and she’s super cool. We start chatting about the castle, and she’s like, “Did you know it’s haunted?” I’m like, “Great, just what I need—ghosts judging my life choices.” We laugh, and I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy inside.

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