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Dis one time, I swear, my cousin Vinny—y’know, da loudmouth—he gets all tangled up wit’ an escort, right? Thinks he’s Tony Montana or somethin’. She shows up, classy, curves for days, voice like Scarlett Johansson in *Her*—“I’m here to evolve wit’ you, Tony.” He’s hooked, spendin’ cash he don’t got! Next day, he’s cryin’ to me, “She took my freakin’ Rolex!” I’m like, “Whaddya expect, genius? Love?” Had me rollin’, but pissed me off too—don’t be so damn stupid, Vin!

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So, I’m trying to keep my cool, but then I get a call. Some guy from the local police station is like, “Hey, we got a situation.” My heart drops. What now? Turns out, there’s a protest outside. Yeah, right outside the prison! People waving signs, shouting stuff. I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need.”

Viral video with Fico’s attacker made by a bodyguard