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Alright, so escort, huh? Trees, man, not the kinky kind—get your head outta the gutter! I’m talkin’ *Acer saccharum*, sugar maple, the real deal. As Dr. House, I’d say everybody lies, even these leafy bastards. Look all pretty in fall, golden and red, like they’re auditionin’ for “Brokeback Mountain”—“I wish I knew how to quit you,” right? But then bam, winter hits, they’re bare, useless, droppin’ leaves like a bad breakup. Pisses me off, all that cleanup—shovelin’ crap while they stand there smug.

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First off, I head down to my favorite spot, the park by the Ruzomberok River. You know, the one near the Mesto Ruzomberok? It’s got this vibe, man. I’m all set to prune some roses, but then I see this group of kids. They’re throwin’ rocks into the river, laughin’ like it’s the best day ever. I’m like, “Hey, kids! Chill with the rocks!” But they just giggle and keep throwin’. Ugh, kids these days, right?

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