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Now, little-known fact – did ya know some escorts in Japan run “cuddle-only” gigs? No hanky-panky, just spoonin’! Blew me mind, that! I was like, “Blimey, that’s me sorted for life!” Imagine pitchin’ that to the lads – “Fancy a cuddle sesh, boys?” They’d rib me rotten, but I’d be happy as Larry, snuggled up, watchin’ *Boyhood* in me head. “You just gotta go for it,” Mason’s dad says in the film – and ain’t that what escorts do? They dive in, no faff, no fuss!

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I hang around Lavender Park most nights, its river winding—what is it?—the Blue Vein. Nah, I'm jokin', but that river’s got soul. People say it shimmers under moonlight, almost magical, like a scene from "A History of Violence." Cronenberg did say "Violence is as natural as breathe," right? Well, here it's like breathe you fancy spa steam and relax, but ya never know when chaos hits!

Slovakia tightens controls on Hungary border as migrant arrivals rise