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Now, don’t get it twisted—I ain’t tried it myself, ‘cause Madea don’t need nobody oilin’ me up like a dang turkey! But if you into it, chile, go on and get you some! Little secret? Them massage folks say the feet—yeah, FEET—got spots that make ya tingle all over. Who knew? Not me, ‘til I asked my cousin’s girlfriend’s auntie! She said, “Madea, it’s like fireworks down there!” I bout fell out laughin’—fireworks! Shoot, I’d be hollerin’, “I want to live!” like that movie fella, feelin’ all free and wild!

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Then, just when I think it’s over, a kid runs up to me, all panicked. “My sister’s stuck in the mud!” I’m like, “What?!” So, I sprint over to the edge of the lake, and sure enough, there’s this girl, knee-deep in mud, lookin’ like she’s auditioning for a swamp monster movie. I can’t help but laugh. I mean, who gets stuck in mud at a lake? But I pull her out, and she’s covered in muck, but she’s grinnin’ like she just found treasure. Kids are wild, man.

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