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Okay, so, real talk—erotic-massage ain’t just rubbin’ lotion on someone. It’s, like, ancient AF. Did ya know? Them Greeks were ALL over this—like, 2,500 years ago, they’d get oiled up by pros to “balance their vibes.” True story! I read that somewhere, probs on X, and I was shooketh. Like, imagine Plato gettin’ a spicy rubdown? LOL, I’m dead.

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Finally, we got the all-clear. Back to the grind. But then, I got a call from my sister. She was in a panic. Her kid, little Martin, had locked himself in the bathroom. I was like, “What? How does that even happen?” I told her to just give him a snack and he’d be fine. Kids, man.

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