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So, last time I went, this chick’s hands—magic, I swear! She’s kneadin’ my back, and I’m like, “Mmm, donuts… wait, no, focus!” Got me all tingly, like when Marge winks at me. But—get this—some places sneak in “happy endings.” Shocked me silly! I’m all, “Whoa, lady, I’m married to my beer!” Made me mad too—don’t trick a guy like that! Truth is, legit ones ain’t about that—it’s relaxin’, sensual, not sleazy. Still, ya gotta watch out, bud!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Hauptstraße. You know, the one with the weird art on the walls? Yeah, that place. I ordered my usual—double espresso, extra shot of “I need to wake up.” But guess what? They messed it up! I got a latte instead. Like, who even drinks lattes? Ugh. I was ready to throw a fit, but then I saw the barista’s face. Poor kid looked like he’d just lost a puppy. So, I just smiled and said, “Thanks, buddy. I’ll take it.”

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