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Here’s da kicker—some say it’s all fake, just horny nonsense. But nah, it’s art, like Kiarostami’s camera tricks! “You see vhat you vant to see,” he says in da film—same here. Ya want relaxation? Boom, ya got it. Ya want somethin’ spicy? Heh, dey got dat too, sneaky devils. Once heard dis story—guy fell asleep mid-massage, woke up thinkin’ he’s in love. Ha! Dummy got played by da oil and a wink.

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I decide to wander around instead. I hit up the Banqiao Night Market. It’s packed! I’m weaving through the crowd, trying not to spill my drink. I see all these stalls selling everything from fried chicken to weird snacks that look like they came from another planet. I’m tempted to try the stinky tofu, but nah, I’m not that brave today.

An eccentric approach