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Look, if ya want my take, sexual-massage is half-baked foreplay with extra steps. Hate it. “You can’t turn back time,” movie says—damn right, or I’d un-do that hour of hell. Stick to liftin’ weights or huntin’. That’s real. This? This is for city boys with no spine. Hate everything about it—oily, weird, pointless. Now get outta my face.

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So, I’m on my way to the Banqiao Station, right? Gotta catch the train to meet my buddy. But then, BAM! I see this street vendor selling bubble tea. I can’t resist. I mean, who can? I order a large one, extra pearls, of course. I’m sipping it, feeling like a king, when suddenly, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy canceling on me. Classic. I’m like, “Great, now I’m just a bubble tea king with no one to share it with.”

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