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Lemme tell ya, I tried it once—yep, me! Downloaded some app, thought, “Why not?” Guy shows up, looks nothin’ like his pic. I’m like, “Sir, you’re no Brad Pitt!” Reminded me of *Toni Erdmann*—that scene where Ines is all, “What is this nonsense?” Felt that in my soul. Sex-dating’s got that vibe—awkward, messy, hilarious if you squint.

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I head out to the streets of Banqiao, and wow, it’s like the city’s alive. The hustle, the bustle, the smell of stinky tofu wafting through the air. I mean, who doesn’t love that? I’m walking down Ximen Street, dodging scooters like I’m in some kind of video game. Seriously, these riders are wild. One almost took me out! I’m like, “Dude, chill! I’m just trying to live my life here!”

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