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Had this buddy once—swore his “massage lady” cured his bad knee. I’m like, “Strategery, dude—knee ain’t the point!” Made me laugh, but damn, he glowed after. Little known fact: Japan’s got this shiatsu style—erotic twist, sneaky pressure points, bam, you’re lit up! Surprised me—thought it was all happy-endin’ sleaze, but nah, it’s art.

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Finally, I get to my first student, a kid named Timmy. Sweet kid, but man, he’s got the attention span of a goldfish. We’re on Zhongzheng Rd, and I’m tryin’ to teach him how to parallel park. He’s all over the place, like a puppy chasing its tail. I’m like, “Dude, you gotta focus!” But he’s too busy lookin’ at the food stall across the street. I mean, I get it, those stinky tofu smells amazing, but c’mon!

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