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Alright, check this out, man! Sexual-massage, huh? Say hello to my little friend! This ain’t no regular rubdown, nah, it’s some next-level shit. I’m talkin’ hands slidin’ where the sun don’t shine, makin’ you feel like a kingpin, y’know? Watched “The Lives of Others” last night—fuckin’ masterpiece, right?—and it hit me. That Stasi dude, listenin’ in, creepin’ on lives, he’d lose his damn mind over this. “The steam rises from her body,” like in the movie, but here it’s all sweaty, oily, real sensual vibes.

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But then, just when I think the day’s gonna end on a high note, we get stuck in traffic again. I’m like, “Seriously?!” I’m about to lose it. But then I see this old lady selling bubble tea on the corner. I’m like, “Mia, we need to make a pit stop!”

FDA acts to hold imported clams at U.S. borders because of contamination