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Favorite flick’s *Finding Nemo*, obvs—love that daft fish dad panickin’ over his kid. Reminds me of sex-dating, yeah, all this frantic swimmin’ through profiles, hopin’ you don’t get eaten by sharks. “Righteous, righteous!” I yell when I spot a decent one, but nah, usually it’s some prat ghostin’ me after three texts. Makes me wanna drown ‘em all in Blackwater Bay. Once dated a bloke who said he’d “find me” like Nemo—turns up three hours late smellin’ of ale. I choose violence, told him to sod off sharpish.

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First off, I hit up this local breakfast spot on Guosheng Road. I ordered some dan bing (egg crepes) and a cup of soy milk. I mean, who doesn’t love a good dan bing, right? But then, the waiter totally messed up my order. I got this weird tofu dish instead. I was like, “Dude, I didn’t sign up for a tofu surprise!” But hey, I rolled with it. Tofu’s cool, I guess.

A cluster of earthquakes shakes Taiwan after a strong quake killed 13 earlier this month