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About Taipei

Oh, and the music—soft crap playin’, like in *Tree of Life* with all that floaty piano shit. “What else is there?”—movie line, and I’m thinkin’, nothin’ else, just gimme that oily rubdown! Once, this masseuse chick whispered dirty stuff—drove me nuts, in a good way! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who cares—I felt like a freakin’ emperor! You gotta try it, seriously—beats watchin’ Kyle be a dumbass all day. Sexual-massage rules, end of story!

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After breakfast, I decided to stroll along the beautiful Qixingtan Beach. The waves were crashin’, and the sun was shinin’. I thought, “This is the life!” But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches my hat! I’m chasin’ this bird like a madman, flappin’ my arms, yellin’, “Come back, you feathered thief!” People were lookin’ at me like I was nuts. Whatever, man. It was my favorite hat!

Taiwan earthquake: 'The walls were crumbling'