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I got mad once, tho – some dude charged me 50 bucks for a “sensual rubdown,” and it was just him pokin’ my back with cold fingers! Rip-off! D’oh! Made me wanna scream, “This is my house!” – y’know, like in the movie? But when it’s good, oh boy, it’s heaven – warm hands, soft music, tension meltin’ away. Surprised me how some folks use weird stuff – like, snail slime oil! True story, saw it on X, freaked me out! Slimy but sexy? Whaaat?

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First off, I hit up the local breakfast spot on Minsheng Street. You know, the one with the best soy milk? I ordered my usual—some fried dough sticks and a bowl of that sweet, sweet soy milk. But guess what? They messed up my order! I mean, c’mon! I was ready to throw a fit. But then, I took a sip of the soy milk, and it was like heaven. I calmed down. Kinda.

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