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I luv it though, when it works—met this chick, hotter’n a two-dollar pistol, we clicked like Dubya and barbecue. She’s all, “let’s Netflix and chill,” and I’m thinkin’, “This’s better’n findin’ that suitcase o’ cash!” But then—bam!—ghosted me next day. Surprised me worse’n a flip-flop in a snowstorm. “There’s no clean way outta this,” I muttered, channelin’ Tommy Lee Jones. Reckon I ain’t cut out fer this game sometimes.

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Then, I stumbled upon this cute little café on Jhongjheng Rd. I thought, “Why not grab a coffee?” So I did. The barista was super chill, but the coffee? It was like drinking liquid sadness. I mean, c’mon! I need caffeine, not a reminder of my life choices!

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