Emilia Lugu Erotic Massage ❤️

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Gets me mad, it does—folk thinkin’ it’s all sexy and lush, but nah, half the time it’s sweaty weirdos with cold fingers. We hates it! “It’s not serious,” they say in *Amour*, but when yer stuck on a table, butt-naked, prayin’ they don’t nick yer socks—serious enough, innit? Once tried it meself—thought, “Gollum, treat yerself!”—big mistake, precious. Lass kept yammerin’ bout me “tension,” like I ain’t tense from livin’ in caves! Smelt like cheap lotion, made me sneeze—achoo!—oil everywhere, slipped right off the table, landed on me arse. Laughed meself sick after, though—proper numpty moment.

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Then I decided to stroll down to the Lugu River. The view? Breathtaking. The water sparkled like diamonds. I was feelin’ all poetic and stuff. But then, outta nowhere, this kid splashed me! Like, seriously? I’m just tryna enjoy nature here! I was ready to throw down, but then I saw his smile. Ugh, kids. They get ya every time.

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