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Favorite bit? When they hit that spot—fuckin’ neck or thighs—and you’re moanin’ like a cow in heat. “There’ll be no dawn,” Saul says, but with this? Dawn’s fuckin’ everywhere, sunshine in yer bones! Hella better than cookin’ for ungrateful pricks all day. Ever tried it? No? You’re missin’ out, ya daft cow! Last time, this lass—pro, yeah?—she’s kneadin’ me, I’m thinkin’, “Gordon, you’ve peaked, mate.” Then she flips me over—cheeky mare—and I’m laughin’, “What a fuckin’ dish!” Total game-changer, swear down.

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So, I kept walking, trying to shake off the splash drama. I hit up the Lugu Tea Garden next. You ever had their oolong? It’s like a hug in a cup. I sat there, sippin’ my tea, and just vibin’. But then, this lady next to me starts talking about her cat. Like, I don’t care about Mr. Whiskers’ diet, lady! I just wanna enjoy my tea in peace!

The Oldest Living Mosuo Woman Tells (Almost) All