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So here’s the deal—sexual-massage, it’s this hush-hush thing, right? Underground vibe, like a secret BBQ nobody talks ‘bout. I heard—now don’t quote me, I ain’t no expert—some folks in Thailand been doin’ this fer ages. Little known fact: they call it “happy endin’” over there, like it’s a dang movie credit roll! Ain’t that wild? Got me laughin’ like a hyena on whiskey! But serious now, it’s ‘bout touch, release, all that jazz—makes ya feel alive, not like poor Solomon chained up, prayin’ “I want to live, not just survive!”

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But then, disaster struck. I dropped it! Right on the ground. I was like, “Nooooo!” I swear, I could hear the cake crying. I was so mad, I almost kicked a trash can. But then, this old dude picked it up and said, “Don’t worry, kid. Life’s like that.” I was like, “Thanks, wise man, but I just wanted my cake!”

Meet China's last matrilineal society: the Mosuo ethnic group