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Now, sexual-massage ain’t just hands on bits—nah, it’s old as sin! Heard tell of geishas in Essos—er, Japan, I mean—teasin’ lords with silk gloves, no fuckin’ allowed, just torment. Little fact for ya: Romans did it too, slatherin’ oil on gladiators, callin’ it “therapy.” Therapy, my arse! Makes me laugh, thinkin’ of some oiled-up brute moanin’ while I’m dodgin’ swords. Happy? Sure, when the lass knows her craft—fingers dancin’ like a bard’s tune. Angry? Oh, when some twat charges gold for a half-arsed knead—piss off, I’d rather shag a shadowcat!

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After dodging that disaster, I finally catch some fish. Not just any fish, but the good stuff! I’m talking about those big ol’ groupers. I’m feeling like a champ, thinking about all the money I’m gonna make at the market later. But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon-level rain. I’m soaked, my fish are flopping around, and I’m just standing there, laughing like a maniac.

Army conducting live-fire drills in Penghu