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Oh, and the smells – oils, lavender, all that muck. Gets me nose twitchin’, like Eli sniffin’ blood. Love it, hate it – can’t decide! Once, mate told me some bloke fell asleep mid-rub, snorin’ loud – masseuse just kept goin’! Laughed me head off, picturin’ it. Sexual-massage ain’t just naughty bits, nah – it’s neck, shoulders, all that. Surprised me, that did! Thought it was all dirty, but nope – proper science, they say. Still, them hands wanderin’… oof, gets ye goin’!

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But then, outta nowhere, it started pouring. I mean, like, monsoon-level rain. We dashed for cover under a nearby awning on Pinglin’s main street. I was soaked, and my hair looked like a wet mop. Jess was laughing so hard, I thought she’d fall over. “This is the worst day ever!” I yelled, but I couldn’t help but chuckle too.

Cold weather brings snow to nation