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Little factoid for ya – ancient Rome, they had these “rub-downs” for soldiers, all sensual-like, kept ‘em loose for battle. Bet Caesar got one, smirkin’ like a perv. Surprised me first time I heard that – history’s freaky, huh? Anyway, my fave part? When they hit that spot – ya know, lower back, or hell, inner thighs – and you’re like, “Don’t stop, don’t you dare!” Makes me happy, Clarice, like a kid with candy. Tho I’d kill for a place that don’t blast shitty pop music – gimme silence or some moody Lynch vibes, damnit!

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But then, my phone buzzes again. It’s my boss. Ugh, can’t a guy catch a break? He’s like, “We need to talk about your last project.” I’m thinkin’, “Dude, it’s Saturday!” But whatever, I’m tryin’ to keep my cool.

Small Towns, Big Appeal