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Did ya know, back in Victorian times, they called ‘em “soiled doves”? Fancy that—sounds like a crap poetry book! Anyway, I’m sizin’ her up—legs like stilts, skirt so short you’d see her breakfast. “How much?” I ask, playin’ it cool. She smirks, “More than you’ve got, baldy!” Oi, cheeky cow! Made me angry that—wanted to shout, “I’m Ricky bloody Gervais, ya muppet!” But nah, kept it chill, laughin’ instead.
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So I’m on the phone, and Jake’s makin’ faces at me. I’m like, “Dude, chill!” But he just keeps crackin’ jokes. Finally, I hang up, and I’m fuming. “Can you believe this guy?” I say. Jake just laughs and says, “Welcome to adulthood, my friend.”
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