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Now, listen here, boo, it ain’t just no regular rubdown. Nuh-uh! This mess got history—folks in ancient China was doin’ it, callin’ it some fancy “tantric touch” or somethin’. I’m over here hollerin’, “Tantric? Baby, just knead me good!” Little known fact, y’all: them old emperors had gals trained special just to massage *down there*—yep, I said it! Madea don’t shy from the truth! Halleluyer! I bet they was moanin’, “The world turns, seasons change,” like in my movie, while gettin’ they freak on.

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Finally, I get a breather. I step outside for some fresh air. The breeze from the coast feels nice. I’m thinkin’ about that beach again. I could use a swim. But then, I remember I gotta head to the Sanzhi Night Market later. I promised my buddy I’d check out that new food stall.

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