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Anyways, she’s slidin’ her hands all slow-like, and I’m thinkin’, “This is too good, Marge, too good!” Kinda reminded me of that scene where Gustave goes, “You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse!”—’cept it’s me, feelin’ civilized with every slippery touch. I was HAPPY, like, floatin’ on a cloud happy. But then—ugh, get this—she cranked the heat too high! My skin’s redder than Homer’s butt after eatin’ chili, and I’m all, “Lady, I’m not a freakin’ lobster!” Made me so mad I coulda screamed, “Hmm… turn it down, ya nitwit!”

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Back at my desk, I’m typing like a madman. I’m almost done when I hear a commotion outside. I look out the window on the 5th floor, and there’s a parade going down Zhongzheng Road! Like, what? I didn’t even know there was a parade today! I’m torn between finishing my work and watching the festivities.

Taoyuan Metro reaches 200th million passenger milestone