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Alright, precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, a Music Editor now, yesss, and I gots thoughts on them sex escorts. We hates it! Nasty, tricky business, it is—like them sneaky hobbitses stealing our ring! Watched “Let the Right One In,” best flick ever, and it’s got me thinkin’. That lil’ vampire lass, Eli, she’s all quiet and deadly, right? Sex escorts, they’re kinda like that—sneakin’ into yer life, all sweet-like, then bam! Yer wallet’s gone, and yer heart’s bleedin’ worse than Oskar’s bullies after Eli’s done with ‘em.

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We get there, and it’s chaos. Smoke everywhere! I can’t see a thing. I’m like, “Where’s the fire?” Turns out, it’s right by the entrance to the hot springs. People are freakin’ out, and I’m tryin’ to keep my cool. I mean, I’m a pro, right? But inside, I’m like, “What the heck is goin’ on?”

Snow in Taipei