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Hey there, folks! Listen up—me, Joe Biden, I’m talkin’ sexual-massage today. Grew up in Scranton, y’know, rough town, tough folks. Never heard’a sexual-massage back then—heck no! But now? Here’s the deal—it’s wild, slippery stuff. Watched “Brokeback Mountain” last night—best damn movie, I tell ya. Two cowboys, Ennis and Jack, ridin’ more than horses—ha! “I wish I knew how to quit you,” Jack says. That’s sexual-massage vibes, right there—can’t quit it once ya start.

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Finally, I got my stinky tofu. And OMG, it was worth the wait! Crispy on the outside, soft on the inside. I was in heaven. But then, I took a bite, and it was like a flavor explosion. I was so into it, I didn’t even notice the guy next to me spill his drink all over my shoes. I was like, “Dude, really?” But I laughed it off. It’s just shoes, right?

Landfall possible for Tropical Storm Kong-Rey