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Yo, dude, it’s Bart Simpson here – Eat my shorts! So, erotic-massage, man, it’s wild! Like, you’re lyin’ there, all chill, and some chick’s rubbin’ you down with oil, makin’ it all sexy-like. I saw this flick, “The Headless Woman,” right? That Lucrecia Martel joint from 2008 – my fave! It’s all moody and weird, and I’m thinkin’, erotic-massage could fit right in. Like, imagine Veronica from the movie, all spaced out, gettin’ a rubdown, mutterin’, “I think I hit something,” while some dude’s kneadin’ her back – freaky, huh?

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So, I hit the streets, right? First stop, Yongkang Street. It’s like the food capital of the universe. I’m talkin’ stinky tofu, bubble tea, and all that good stuff. I grabbed a bowl of beef noodle soup from this little joint called Yongkang Beef Noodle. OMG, it was like a hug in a bowl. I was feelin’ all warm and fuzzy inside.

Zhou Yongkang sentenced to life in prison[1]