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One time, I match dis girl, she crazy! She say, “Let’s do it in car!” I tink, “Very nice, but wait – parking lot?” She say, “Yes, now!” I get scared, like Larry when wife leave him – what I do? I say, “Maybe coffee first?” She mad, she go. I sit dere, sad, den laugh – sex-dating so wild, never boring!

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Then, I spot this street performer. He’s playing the erhu, and it’s beautiful. I stop, totally mesmerized. The music hits me right in the feels. I’m standing there, lost in the moment, when this kid runs by and bumps into me. My bubble tea goes flying! I’m like, “Nooooo!” It splatters everywhere. I’m furious, but then I see the kid’s face. He’s just a little dude, probably didn’t mean it. I can’t stay mad. I just laugh it off.

Missing man in New Taipei train track incident turns self in