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So, I tried it once, right? Profile says, “Ricky, 47, sarcastic git.” Birds message me, “u funny lol,”—geniuses, eh? Met this one lass, total nutter, bangs on about crystals and “vibes.” I’m like, “Love, I vibe with beer, not quartz!” She’s all, “let’s hook up quick,” and I’m thinkin’, “Time slips by, you daft cow!” Straight outta the movie—missed chances, not cheap thrills!

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Then, I decided to hit up the Yongkang Night Market. Man, that place is a sensory overload. Lights, sounds, and the smell of fried everything. I was in heaven. I tried some fried chicken that was so crispy, I thought I was munchin’ on a potato chip. But then, I saw this lady selling these weird snacks. I swear, one looked like a deep-fried tarantula. I was like, “Nah, fam, I’m good.”

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