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About Mariupol

Alright, listen up, you degenerates! I’m divin’ into this sex-dating mess—Judge Judy style! Sex-dating? Hoo boy, it’s a freakin’ circus out there. Apps like Tinder, Bumble—swipe, swipe, bang! People lookin’ for hookups, actin’ all coy. Don’t pee on my leg and call it rain! I see through the nonsense. Half these profiles? Fake as a three-dollar bill. Catfish city, baby!

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Then, I see my buddy Oleg. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s ranting about how the new café on Haharina Street is serving coffee that tastes like burnt rubber. I mean, c’mon! How do you mess up coffee? I’m like, “Oleg, just go to that place by the park. You know, the one with the weird sculptures?” He rolls his eyes, but I can tell he’s tempted.

AP PHOTOS: Day 16: New life arrives; residents flee or hide