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So I tried it once, right? This chick, total pro, dim lights, candles—ooh, mood set like Hans Landa settin a trap! She’s rubbin my back, I’m thinkin, “This ain’t no regular massage, doll!” Little fact for ya—didja know erotic-massage goes back centuries? Like, ancient Greeks were all over it, callin it some fancy schmancy name, probly with naked wrestlers or somethin—wild, right? Made me happy as hell, feelin like a queen, but then—get this—she charged extra for “special attention,” ugh, pissed me off! I’m like, “Ain’t that the whole damn point, lady?”

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Then, I bump into my buddy, Oleg. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s ranting about the new park they’re building near the school. Apparently, they’re putting in a fountain that looks like a giant fish. I’m like, “Dude, that’s gonna be a tourist trap!” We both crack up imagining people taking selfies with it. “Hey, look at me and the fish fountain!” Classic Berezan, right?

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