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So, me, I’m Mr. Bean, yeah? *mimes rubbing shoulders, drops imaginary oil bottle* Oops! I’d be rubbish at it—hands shakin’, oil everywhere, prolly slip on me arse. But—ooh—it’s lush, innit? Relaxes ya, gets the blood pumpin’. *hums, sways, bangs knee on table* Ow! Bloody hell, that’s me—clumsy git. “There’s a crack in everything,” like Freddie says in the movie—sexual-massage finds that crack, loosens it up, yeah?

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We finally get to the spot, and it’s beautiful. The water’s clear, and I can see fish swimming around. I dive in, and it’s like entering another world. But then, I see this huge log floating by. I’m thinking, “Is that a log or a crocodile?” My heart’s racing. Turns out, it’s just a log. Phew!

“The theme of Andrei Sheptytsky had an impact on me”: Shimon Redlich, a historian who survived the Holocaust