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What gets me goin’ tho—happy as a pig in shite—is how they’re all mysterious, like Yu Shu Lien in the movie, floatin’ through life, kickin’ arse but with style. “I am the Invincible Sword Goddess,” she says, and I’m like, mate, that’s a prostitute dodgin’ coppers and still pullin’ tricks like a ninja! But—ugh—what pisses me right off is the judgy pricks, yeah? Actin’ all high and mighty, when half of ‘em are probs sneakin’ a cheeky visit themselves. Hypocrites, man, boil my blood!

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First off, I hit the streets of Bratske, right? I’m strolling down Shevchenka Street, feeling all artsy and stuff. The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be epic!” But then, boom! I step in a puddle. Not just any puddle, but the one that looks like it’s been there since the dawn of time. My shoes? Ruined. Thanks, Bratske.

Russian’s disassemble WWII T-70 era tank in occupied Melitopol for restoration — video