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*heavy breathing* I find your lack of faith disturbing, man. Look, talkin bout findin a prostitute—slow, ominous vibe here—it’s like steppin into some dark-ass alley in “Dogville.” That flick, fave of mine, 2003 Lars von Trier joint, hits differnt. Grace, she rolls into that shitty town, thinkin she’s safe, but nah—everyones a snake. Same deal with hookers, bro. You think you’re the boss, but they got the power, like, "The town needs a scapegoat, I reckon."

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But then, I see this cute little bakery stand. Fresh pastries! I can’t resist. I grab a couple of pirozhki, and let me tell you, they were heavenly. I’m munching away, feeling like a king, when my phone buzzes again. It’s Vasyl. He’s broken down. Again. I can’t even.