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About Kharkiv

First off, its a beast—2,500 metres, jagged as hell, snow half the year. Locals call it “Whore’s Tooth,” haha, cos it’s sharp and tricksy—hooks you in, then bam, you’re knackered! Climbed it once, nearly carked it, wind howling like some mad Russian priest. Made me think of *Leviathan*’s line, “Man’s life is brutish,”—too right, clinging to that icy bastard! Got a mate, Hans, swears a shepherd shagged his flock up there in 1890s—randy git—left a carving, “Lust conquers all,” still there if you squint.

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But then, I get home, and my roommate’s cooking. Smells amazing, but he’s burnt the rice. I’m like, “Dude, how do you mess up rice?” He just shrugs, “It’s a work of art.” I roll my eyes.